Christmas came early

In my family we usually open presents early and keeping up with tradition we did it today. This weekend was particularly depressing and seeing my daughter open her presents today was a great way to pick up our spirits.

I’ve spent the passed few days on the receiving end of his ire for the missing 10 grand b/c I’m “the only person” who’s been over his house in a month. Although, he screamed at me last Sunday for interrupting his family time at his place.

When I showed up Tuesday morning he was sweet.  We lied down next to each other, made love, talked.  I just never know who I am going to get when I see him.I showed up yesterday, uninvited as always and he wasn’t the same.  I wore a dress, straightened my hair, looked super hot. I, wanting to please him, spent 3 hours getting screamed at. I didn’t leave as asked b/c I wanted to talk and kept pushing him to talk. He just wasn’t having it. I dealt with name calling and being pushed around in the hopes that letting him take his anger out on me will somehow calm him down.  It didn’t work. Note to self…standing there and absorbing the abuse doesn’t make him feel better.

I went home afterwards to recoup. Spent the day sleeping and now I’m better. I anticipate having to hear him scream at me for the next few weeks and I’ll deal with it.

He’s the only adult person I have in my life. I don’t want or need anyone else. I know you’re probably thinking, “Why don’t you find someone else?” In truth, everyone ends up hurting me the same.  I’ve learned it’s pointless to even bother.  It’s really not the other person’s fault anyway. My personaliDSC_0012ty brings this out of people.  You’ll see how as I write more.

Happy early Merry Christmas.  I have the best looking tree at least. ^-^



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